My Dad...

As many of you know I made a trip to Arkansas in March to see my dad, shortly after he was placed in hospice care for cancer (along with having a host of other problems). This was only the second time I had seen him since I was 18 or 19 (and there were only a few occasions prior to that as well.)

Several days ago a few different people asked me how my dad was doing and I hadn't heard anything, so I didn't know. Yesterday I decided to write to his brother to find out what was going on, and this morning I got a call from my dad's former wife saying that he passed away on Sunday. Apparently my uncle was waiting to call me until after he had the funeral arrangements taken care of. Fortunately I had also met the former wife on my recent trip to Arkansas and she had asked for my contact information.

So I'll be returning to Arkansas this weekend (the funeral is tentatively set for Saturday at 3:00 p.m.). Donna, a student in the SJS, has offered to come with me, so we'll leave Friday around noon. The drive is about 13 hours from here.

If you're wondering how I feel about this news, well the truth is I don't know. I've spent the majority of my life not knowing this man and not knowing where he was or having any idea of how to reach him, and wondering how I should feel about him. When I learned in March that he was in hospice, I really didn't "feel" anything, until I started telling people that my dad was dying, then I felt sad. When I got the news this morning, I didn't feel anything those first few moments. Then I told two friends here and I cried a little. An interesting thought occurred to me-now for the first time since my mom died in '97 I am an orphan in reality, not just by experience.

Anyway, it's all very strange and I'll have time to sort it out, over the next few days, during the drive to Arkansas, while I'm there, and as much time as I need once I return. I am very grateful for my recent trip there. I was able to meet the family, see my dad, the town where he grew up, I even went to the church he grew up in. And I told him that I forgave him for all the years of not being there.

Please keep his family and me in prayer. I have a younger sister, Nancy who I'm sure will be devasted. She's about 28 and she lost her (our) younger sister a few years ago, and her mother when she was a teenager.

Thanks for listening-
Monica